The Post in Which I Get All Philosophical

Some things I realized:

People who have kids with special needs sometimes talk about having to let go of their (pre-diagnosis) child and accept the "new" child. I always shudder when I read that. Hello, it's the same child! I guess when parents have many dreams invested in him or her and then the dreams dissipate, it is hurtful. And when they mourn the lost dreams, they feel as if they are mourning the child of their dreams.
For me, I find it more comforting to remember- the day Adel was born, she was the same sweet girlie as the day I was told that I must go straight home and call a geneticist, neurologist, early intervention and more. She was also the same baby when the words "Cohen" "Angelman" and "Prader-Willi" started flying around (regarding my daughter, no less!) as when she melted my heart with her first smile at 4 weeks.

That being said, as each realization creeps up on me, I can't help but feel some disappointment.
The first time someone asked me what school I plan on sending Adel to, I happily discussed all the options, the pros and cons of each one... but the next time someone asked me the same question, I froze, realizing that unless some miracle occurs, Adel won't be attending a mainstream school. So I superficially discussed the schools, feeling kind of empty inside.

When I was pulling out the kids' snow boots from storage last week, I chanced upon these (scroll to the bottom of the post) :

The boots I bought for Adel last year with the anticipation that she'd be walking this winter. And even if she'd be "late" like Zusha was (14 months) she'd still have plenty of snowy days to make good use of these.
Does anyone want to buy super cute new boots from me? Adel won't be needing anything with a hard sole for a while.

This reminded me of a few other purchases- shoes for next summer and panties. Yes, panties. In size XS. Children's Place had them for $2 a pack last winter so I bought two packs. Zusha was using the bathroom shortly after turning two (we won't discuss Mr. G!) so I got panties for Adi in advance. I have no idea when I can begin toilet training Adel. Without a diagnosis, there is nothing to help predict that. Maybe I'll use them as diaper covers. Hmmm...

Something else I realized: when my friends were dealing with separation anxiety with their 7-8 month old babies, I kinda sighed with relief that my Adi isn't scared of strangers, stays nicely in one room while I do things around the house and happily goes to other people. I didn't have clinging issues when visiting people and all that. I was very grateful for being spared the more unpleasant of the milestones.
Except that I wasn't. Separation anxiety just took its sweet time in coming. Now when most babies Adel's age are just about over it, Adel is getting the memo- that Mama can't be allowed to leave the room. No, she can NOT!

Another thing that makes me kinda sad is seeing the grey soles on Adel's footie pajamas that she has from her brothers. They were walking at this age, dirtying up the pajama feet. So here's another subtle jab- your life's totally different now! So there!

And then I feel like jabbing myself... I mean, if I get these little reminders of my new normal, might as well take it to the full level and go watch videos of Gedalya when he was Adel's age... (did you know Gedalya was able to jump with both feet off the ground at 12 months? O.O ) and read about all the cool things he was doing and his vocabulary of about 30 words.

But it didn't make me feel wistful or anything. I'm content with Adel's development as it is. Instead, I like to focus my energy on celebrating the little things.
Such as her last week's accomplishments...

She transitioned from lying on her back to sitting by herself- on the hard floor! The first time of many, IY"H! She also rolled over from her back to her stomach once on the hard floor about a month ago. She's a pro at it on the bed, though!
Also as of last week, she has been following instructions and answering questions.

Me: Adi, UP
Adi: Uhhh
Me: Up
Adi: Uhhhh
Me: Up
Adi: (Lifts arms!!!) Uhhhm! (Smiles with all her teeth in a row and her whole face scrunched up and claps for herself.)


Me: Adi, what does a ketsele say?
Adi: ...
Me: A ketsele, what does it say?
Adi: ...(Lifts arms) Uhhh... (Smiles apologetically.)
Me: Oh, Adi, not "up." What does a ketsele say? A ketsele says mmm...
Adi: Miam!
Me: Yay! That's right, "meow!"
Adi: (claps)



We have our ups and downs, but this is our ride and I love it!